Sunday, December 30, 2012

So you'll learn

I'm sitting her in my soft fuzzy hello kitty robe, feeling very sad and very lonely and very small, which has by the way been in New York with me since the beginning. She is my dearest friend and has seen things no hello kitty robe should ever see. I am currently writing and writhing in pain from what is, to my knowledge, the worst hangover in human history. It hurts me to think about what I drank last night... champagne, vodka, red wine, white wine, beer. What is most troubling is that I didn't even drink that much. It's my old age you see. I have been up since 8 am vomiting violently. I had me a lovely bagel with some vegan sausage on it. This is in fact my very favorite hangover breakfast. This however proved to be no match for my nausea - my body rejected the meal that was prepared with so much care as if it were poison and not a New Yorkian delicacy. I have spent hours heaving over a toilet - wailing, crying, bargaining with my body and my God to please make this stop. I have learned my lesson. I understand that this had to happen to show me that drinking so much is stupid. So I have learned! please patron saint of losers shine some light on this poor girl. Mostly I am embarrassed. I am a capable, reasonable, and intelligent human being - why would I do this to myself? I don't know why, But I do know that I will never do it again. I am miserable inside missing out on the glorious December sunshine because no I am not ill with the flu, I am violently and physically unwell because I had too much to drink last night.

HORRIFIC. STUPID. Deserved.